When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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