I wannas sexs uuuuu
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
