I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
