I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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