I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
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they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
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I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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