Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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