were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
