So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We left the knife in your bed.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
