I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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