She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
