Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
