And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
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I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
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Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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