It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
