So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
