I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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