dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
