u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
