oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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