you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
