And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
