is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
