that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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