how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
