I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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