the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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