It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
