I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
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it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
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I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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