I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
