So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
