it wasn't lemon gatorade
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
high people should be assigned attendants
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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