dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Non-Jews are for practice
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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