i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
