hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
