She's JV to your varsity
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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