Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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