Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You dont lie about slip and slides
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Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
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I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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