I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize