I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
