meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
