it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
