how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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