It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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