He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
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He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
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Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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