So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
