I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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