The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
