Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
