The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
