Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
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Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
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I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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