you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I did not marry a roomba.
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