If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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