I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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