just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
