the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
