Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize